LET MY WORDS BE FEW

Friday, November 05, 2010

From the very first day I began this weight-loss journey, I knew in my heart it was not about the weight loss. That I was going to be learning a lot spiritually through this journey and I was excited. This has proven true over and over.

Last week, I learned something new about myself and something new about God. I had the head knowledge about this, but not the experiential heart knowledge. There is a big difference! I had been planning to have this particular "crazy day" off my Michael Thurman 6 Week Body Makeover eating plan for about 8 weeks. The date for the "crazy day" was planned for October 31, my grandson's 8th birthday. Well, the week before the 31st, the day for his party was determined to be on the 30th instead of the 31st this year. So, I had my "crazy day" on the 30th. I enjoyed the day very much and ate whatever I wanted--CAKE, Ice cream, etc. Then, on the morning of October 31st, I woke up 2 lbs heavier on the scale.

I wasn't surprised. The other times I had "crazy days" I had also gained 2 lbs, so I was expecting this. I felt it was pretty much what I deserved and I expected to see that number. Then on the 31st I had total loss of control over my eating. This "crazy day" was NOT planned at all but I was craving everything and anything. I ate pretty much what I wanted all day. Things I never craved were calling my name--like CHILI CHEESE DOGS WITH ONIONS!!!! I was eating Halloween candy and dreaming of chili dogs. My DH wouldn't allow me to go get one and I was pretty well okay with that, because I had already had a full day of eating off plan anyway. But, boy was I craving that Chili Cheese Dog with Onions!!!

I went to bed on the night of the 31st beating myself up pretty good over losing control. No one has to beat me up EVER, because I always do a much better job LOL. So, before I feel asleep, I made up my mind that I would see another 2 lb gain on the scale the next morning and I determined that it was exactly what I deserved to get because I made the choice to eat that way knowing the consequences.

The next morning, on November 1st, I awoke to a weight LOSS not a gain! I was shocked. Then, I immediately felt God speaking to my heart and He said this:
"This is what GRACE looks like. You made wrong choices and had determined that you deserved punishment and you had made up your own mind what the penalty would be--weight gain; but, you are not to determine your own punishment or what you deserve--only I can and will do that. I chose to give you grace. That is what I decided to do for you".

I was humbled and greatly thankful! I learned a lot about myself through this. I learned a lot more about grace and God's unconditional love as well. I hope I never forget it!