I miss my son. I miss our alone times together. I miss the way we used to snuggle and give butterfly kisses at bedtime and other times and just be silly together. I miss doing homework with him. I miss making his bowl of Cheerios and putting sugar on it for him. I miss the way he used to come home from school and say, "Hey mom, will you make your Famous Chili for me". I miss the times he did crazy things to me, like "Let's go out for donuts, mom", and me the fool, believing he meant Shipley's and all the while he had other mischievous plans in store for me. I miss the day my little 8 year old boy rang the doorbell and when I opened the front door, he was holding a dead squirrel in one hand, a b.b. gun in the other and with tender tears of regret running down his face, he cried and confessed to me, "I thought killing an animal would be fun, but it wasn't"; and he let me comfort him. I even miss the "bandaide" times with my son..the times that the snips and snails and puppy dog tails would visit my world with cuts and bruises and dog bites and near overdoses on baby aspirin and putting a screwdriver into the wall socket and various hockey injuries...I miss my little son. He is all grown up and more than happily married now. He lives too far away to visit very often. Now, when I do see him on those rare and precious occasions, I am thankful for each and every nano-second. I drink up his voice and I capture his smell and I hold it all in my heart until the next precious visit comes. One of those visits will be tomorrow at our family reunion. I exhort you, drink up all these precious moments with your child, now. Store up photographs in your heart and mind for a near and coming bittersweet day when he is no longer your little boy, but he is a handsome and caring and strong man who loves the outdoors with a passion, who loves to hunt and fish and dress up in camo and lay stealth in the bushes before dawn, as still as a picture, for a cause he enjoys. He has an amazing wife he is madly in love with and who works together with him every day and plays together with him every weekend. He is a son who has inherited the joy and desire of his heart to live on a lake with a boat and a fishing pier. A son who turned out to be everything I had prayed he would be, and more than I could have imagined, which is exactly the way it should be, and I wouldn't change a thing; which is what makes the bitter sweet. But for all of this, God help me, I still miss my son.
WHAT IS YOUR FEAR AND IS IT HINDERING YOUR PROGRESS TO A GOAL?
Friday, October 01, 2010
I have felt fear over many things in my life, even about losing weight (see the blog I posted called "THE MIRROR OF TRUTH". Fear can trip you up and keep you from the very things you desire to have or do. My dear husband had a great desire for the two of us to get certified for SCUBA. But I was terrified of deep water and wouldn't even go into the deep end of a swimming pool, much less an ocean! But, because I loved my husband and I truly wanted to be free of this paralyzing thief of joy, I faced the fear and learned that the lie I was believing was, "If you get in water over your head, you will drown". I easily believed that lie, because when I was 9 years old, my brother who was just being a silly kid, stood on top of me in a pool and held me under until I almost drowned. When I took that fear to God a couple of years ago, He told me something very approximate to this: "You didn't drown because I didn't allow it, and I am with you still. Have no fear". The next thing I knew, I was in the deep end of a friend's pool while another friend taught me to tread water. The next week I was enrolled in a SCUBA diving certification class with my husband, and we both got certified. That is just one of the fears God helped me overcome.
I have come to fear God. I used to fear people more than God, but now I fear God more than people. He takes care of all my other fears. This has been a long and intentional process. I have learned that Fear is a liar & Perfect Love casts it out. I wasn't always in this place of being free of fear, so I can totally relate to anyone still being hindered by fear.
I don't believe I would be accomplishing this new found weight loss success, if the fears I believed about myself were not exposed and exchanged for truth. Everyday I am thankful for this. Now my question to you, my friends, is this: Do you sense that there is something holding you back from reaching your goals? Is it some kind of fear based thinking? Go ahead and look inside and see. If so, expose it for the enemy it is to you and replace it with the truth. You are so worth it! God bless you!
Recently, as I was taking notes and looking down at my lap, I had the thought "you are really small", in reference to my bust. Even though I am a 34F, that thought felt true to me. It was a random, but familiar thought. Soon after that thought, as I was at the sink washing my hands and looking into the mirror I realized, "You are NOT small!", Then, I immediately felt God telling me, "When you look into the 'Mirror' of Truth you see reality; when you walk away from the 'Mirror of Truth' you immediately go back to believing the old lies'. Soon after this happened, I had a Theophostic Prayer Ministry session where I had a memory of someone telling me in about the 6th grade, "YOU don't need a training bra". That statement stayed with me all my life until recently. It was a lie, of course; but no matter how big my bra size became, I saw myself as 'lacking'. So every time I would begin to lose weight and my bust measurements would shrink I would start to panic and think,"Something must be wrong with me", or "Something is lacking in me", or "I am not normal". Those were 12-year old conclusions in reaction to another 12-year old's observations of me that were actually misconceptions that I had latched onto as truth. Through the ministry of the Holy Spirit speaking His truth to me, I don't believe those lies anymore. The amazing truth is, there is nothing wrong with me, I am not lacking anything, and losing weight in my bust does not make mean I am not "normal" or "lacking". This has been life-changing for me and I hope, others will be free also from any similar childhood beliefs that are hindering their attempts at healthy weight loss.
I know you are feeling sad, angry, ashamed, lost, alone, unloved, uncared for, unappreciated, abandoned, rejected, and a million other bad things. I see it in your eyes and in your tears; in what you say and in what you don't say. I know you wonder if this pain will ever go away, if you can ever forget it, push it down deep enough that you never see or feel it again, but suddenly, when you least expect it, it bursts forth like a volcano...bubbling over, memories crashing down around you, again...Beloved, as you are strengthened by the Holy Spirit, and as you begin to see Him faithful in meeting you in each of those painful memories, you will feel those chains begin to fall off. You have begun a very important journey that so very few Christians know to travel: Putting on the Armor, and marching into those places where pain and lies reside, and bringing each and every one of those lies to the foot of the cross for Jesus to speak TRUTH to. When the Holy Spirit speaks truth, the lies crumble. The only power satan has in a Believer's heart, is the through the lies we believe. He is the LIAR and Father of Lies; so He tries to keep us bound up and shakled by tormenting us with his relentless, button-pushing, LYING little self. BUT GOD who dwells within us is greater than any lie. We just have to be willing to "go there" and take back the ground that we, as young adults, teenagers, little children (sometimes infants) innocently gave him. We are not little chidren ANY MORE. We are strong in the Lord and in the strength of HIS might, we can take on any foe--including the father of lies. I am praying for you now and EVERY DAY, that each and every day you would have the grace and the strength to go to EACH and every painful memory in your past (one by one, week by week) until you have discovered all the lies you have believed about yourself in each one and as you lift those lies up to Jesus and ask Him his opinion, that you then receive every truth Jesus has for you in each one. Write down what HE tells you and believe HIM. It is in choosing to believe Jesus and His opinion instead of the lies, that we are set free and the chains come off...unshakled, free to dance, free to laugh, free to be. You can do this! When you know (intimately, and experiencially), know the Truth, then you will be free indeed. My love and prayers are with you forever. Be free. That is my prayer.
In the Word today, I was so amazed to look at these refernces again and ponder anew the reality of Christ IN US, our Hope of glory!! I hope you take the time to read and ponder them for yourself. You will leap with unexpected joy inside, when you do! We are looking at how God dwelt with man in the Old Testament/Covenant; and how He dwells with us now, in the new Testament/Covenant.
OLD TESTAMENT:
Exodus 19:18 Now Mount Sinai was all in smoke because the LORD descended upon it in fire; and its smoke ascended like the smoke of a furnace, and the whole mountain quaked violently.
Exodus 40:33-35 He erected the court all around the tabernacle and the altar, and hung up the veil for the gateway of the court. Thus Moses finished the work. Then the cloud covered the tent of meeting, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle Moses was not able to enter the tent of meeting because the cloud had settled on it, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle.
2 Chronicles 5:1-14 Thus all the work that Solomon performed for the house of the LORD was finished. And Solomon brought in the things that David his father had dedicated, even the silver and the gold and all the utensils, and put them in the treasuries of the house of God. Then Solomon assembled to Jerusalem the elders of Israel and all the heads of the tribes, the leaders of the fathers' households of the sons of Israel, to bring up the ark of the covenant of the LORD out of the city of David, which is Zion. All the men of Israel assembled themselves to the king at the feast, that is in the seventh month. Then all the elders of Israel came, and the Levites took up the ark. They brought up the ark and the tent of meeting and all the holy utensils which were in the tent; the Levitical priests brought them up. And King Solomon and all the congregation of Israel who were assembled with him before the ark, were sacrificing so many sheep and oxen that they could not be counted or numbered. Then the priests brought the ark of the covenant of the LORD to its place, into the inner sanctuary of the house, to the holy of holies, under the wings of the cherubim. For the cherubim spread their wings over the place of the ark, so that the cherubim made a covering over the ark and its poles.The poles were so long that the ends of the poles of the ark could be seen in front of the inner sanctuary, but they could not be seen outside; and they are there to this day. There was nothing in the ark except the two tablets which Moses put there at Horeb, where the LORD made a covenant with the sons of Israel, when they came out of Egypt. When the priests came forth from the holy place (for all the priests who were present had sanctified themselves, without regard to divisions), and all the Levitical singers, Asaph, Heman, Jeduthun, and their sons and kinsmen, clothed in fine linen, with cymbals, harps and lyres, standing east of the altar, and with them one hundred and twenty priests blowing trumpets in unison when the trumpeters and the singers were to make themselves heard with one voice to praise and to glorify the LORD, and when they lifted up their voice accompanied by trumpets and cymbals and instruments of music, and when they praised the LORD saying, "He indeed is good for His lovingkindness is everlasting," then the house, the house of the LORD, was filled with a cloud, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled the house of God.
2 Chronicles 7:1-3 Now when Solomon had finished praying, fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices, and the glory of the LORD filled the house. The priests could not enter into the house of the LORD because the glory of the LORD filled the LORD'S house. All the sons of Israel, seeing the fire come down and the glory of the LORD upon the house, bowed down on the pavement with their faces to the ground, and they worshiped and gave praise to the LORD, saying, "Truly He is good, truly His lovingkindness is everlasting."
God's FIRE coming down like a lightning bolt-(remembering here the dream God gave me Christmas Eve--thanks going up and simultaneously His atomic power, like lightning bolt with fire, coming down); His Shekinah Glory (visible dwelling of God-The Cloud); God's Presence among his people; in answer to prayer!
Then, the New Testament:
Matthew 1:18-25 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit. And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly. But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. "She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins." Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet: "BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL," which translated means, "GOD WITH US." And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife, but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and he called His name Jesus.
John 2:13-17 The Passover of the Jews was near, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. And He found in the temple those who were selling oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers seated at their tables. And He made a scourge of cords, and drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen; and He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables; and to those who were selling the doves He said, "Take these things away; stop making My Father's house a place of business." His disciples remembered that it was written, "ZEAL FOR YOUR HOUSE WILL CONSUME ME."
John 1:12-17 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. John *testified about Him and cried out, saying, "This was He of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has a higher rank than I, for He existed before me.'" For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.
Jesus is Immanuel, Word of God, made flesh, and who Tabernacled among us. We beheld His Glory; like Father, Like Son. God dwelling with us in the Divine tabernacle of His Body; revealed the fullness of God. He explained the Father. Jesus, in us, is God, The Cloud, The Glory, The Shekinah Glory, dwelling within us! We are His Temple; His Cloud, His fire, is in us! Oh God, help us to comprehend this awesomeness! Help us to behold and sense This Power, and to live as though YOU dwell and Tabernacle within us! Oh LORD, allow us to behold your Manifest Presence and visibly see you, even as Israel saw you in Exodus, on the Mountain of God, and in the Temple. LORD let us visibly see you and feel your power within. May we glorify you in these temples of flesh and KNOW what a treasure we contain in these "arks of flesh", containers of the Living God! What a mystery...what a privelege...what a responsibility! Amen.
THANKSGIVING CHRISTMAS 2009
With Love and Peace and Thanks, Leeanna Porter
Early this morning, I awoke from a dream where God was telling me something I felt was meant for everyone who will believe. He said that when we give Him thanks, it is at that very instant that the atomic power of God explodes towards us in blessing. I could actually see the thanksgiving rising up to God and, simultaneously, the atomic power of God exploding down like lightning fire. As I pondered this amazing vision, I believe the Spirit of the Lord was imparting faith and a supernatural ability to believe Him and to try Him at His Word.
My prayer for 2010 is that in every circumstance and in every situation, we would remember this vision, practice giving Him prayers of thanksgiving and begin to watch His atomic power explode towards us in response.
2Thessalonians 1:11-12 To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus will be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Psalm 21:13 Be exalted, O LORD, in Your strength; We will sing and praise Your power. 2 Peter 1:2-4 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. 1 Peter 1:3-5 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. Hebrews 1:1-4 God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they. Hebakkuk 3:3-4 God comes from Teman, And the Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah. His splendor covers the heavens, And the earth is full of His praise. His radiance is like the sunlight; He has rays flashing from His hand, And there is the hiding of His power. Nahum 1:3 The LORD is slow to anger and great in power, And the LORD will by no means leave the guilty unpunished. In whirlwind and storm is His way, And clouds are the dust beneath His feet. Dan 2:20 Daniel said, "Let the name of God be blessed forever and ever, For wisdom and power belong to Him. Dan 2:23 "To You, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise, For You have given me wisdom and power; Even now You have made known to me what we requested of You, For You have made known to us the king's matter."Jer 32:17 'Ah Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for You, Jer 16:20-21 Can man make gods for himself? Yet they are not gods! "Therefore behold, I am going to make them know-- This time I will make them know My power and My might; And they shall know that My name is the LORD." Pro 8:14 "Counsel is mine and sound wisdom; I am understanding, power is mine. Rev 11:17 saying, "We give You thanks, O Lord God, the Almighty, who are and who were, because You have taken Your great power and have begun to reign. Rev 4:11 "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." Rev 5:12 saying with a great voice, Worthy is the Lamb having been slain to receive the power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing. Rev 7:12 saying, "Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever. Amen."
Hi Friend,
I have to say, I didn't know you had another friend except for me (ha,ha!! That's a JOKE, just kiddin' ya!!)....You are an amazing woman, very special (not special like Walmart Special; special like Imported Fine Crystal intertwined with Jerusalem Clay Pottery Sculpture Special)... You say you think you are ordinary and had an ordinary life, well, I can only compare yours with mine. My mom also sewed for me. Everything I wore up until 9th grade was handmade. Even my winter coats were created by hand. I used to dream of store-bought clothes like my peers wore! My mom sewed my clothes during the night hours because her day job was being a seamstress to ladies like Eleanor Warren, as in the Warren Brothers Lumber Company in Beaumont, Texas. I know, impressive, right?! Funny how you always know the right subjects to bring up to remind us of how "special" our childhoods were. The unhappy parts of our childhoods and what we came to believe about ourselves because of them, made us who we are today. Our choices over what we came to believe (lies) about ourselves because of those events have driven our emotions like an electric locomotive on a straight path to nowhere. But there is always hope to change that path when we choose to revisit those painful places and root out the lies and replace them with truth. Someone once told me "people can't change". I strongly disagree. I have changed A LOT...well maybe I should agree with that person and say I didn't change anything, God changed me as I yielded myself to truth. I thank God for my opportunities to have a conversation with Him when these old memories trigger sadness or other negative emotions. I think I will go have a conversation with God right now! Thank you for always challenging our hearts and minds and NO, you are no where close to ordinary my friend....no where close!